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Parenting Resources
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New Book Reviews!
Barbara Rhode and Annette Reiter, two licensed Family and Marriage Therapists, have created a comprehensive parenting handbook that provides parents with both practical advice on preparing for the college transition and the "letting go" process, as well as the latest research on teen brain development.
Parenting even the healthiest adolescent can sometimes feel like a very long roller coaster ride. Adolescence is a huge transition for each and every member of the family, and parents find themselves with little or no preparation to deal with one of the most challenging moments in their parenting career.
This handbook offers readers an insight into the stages of healthy adolescent development, and gain knowledge of successful parenting strategies, through their series of examples and practical exercises. Additionally, important adolescent brain research is explored and discussed, and proven tips are shared for staying out of the young adult drama sandbox.
For more information on this book visit this web page: http://www.transitionsandyou.com/books.html
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“I’m Doing The Best I Can!” (They won’t always be cute and adorable) By: LISA HEIN
And we thought parenting was going to be easy…… Lisa Hein, Author of THE BOOK “I’m Doing The Best I Can!” (They won’t always be cute and adorable), shares her thoughts about the long term affect that our behavior towards our children today and the way we speak to them, will eventually rear its head as they get older. As a parent with a young child (20 years ago), I thought I could do no wrong. He adored me as much I adored him. He was my world, my breath, the reason why I was alive. I never thought I would have a child. I really didn’t think I was mommy material. But, things happened and I ended up with a beautiful child. I was a single mother when he was born, and, boy oh boy, was I every scared. I went through so many emotions after he was born, and I never wanted to leave him. I really didn’t want to go back to work, but eventually did. My sister was my life saver. She took care of him, sometimes too good!! They got along perfectly, and at times, he chose to hang out with her more than me. As time went on, I met a wonderful man, got married, and then we moved away from ‘the family.’ Everything was going well………and before I knew it, he was in high school. Can anyone say ‘who is this alien that moved in?’ THE BOOK was written because that wonderful child had completely turned away Three and a half years later, I was an author of a parenting book.Here are some thoughts I came up with during the time when I looked back and took a really long look at my behavior towards my child.
From when they are toddlers up to young adults it is so important to take time to speak with love, yet preciseness! When we continue to do and do without boundaries, we are giving our children mixed messages. When we say things like “no,” “you’re grounded,” or “you cannot have friends over,” you must mean it. If we continually give in, they will take our actions as a joke and get the idea that you really didn’t mean what you said. Sometimes our actions, as adults, confuse our children. For instance, when you take something away from them, don’t come home with gifts for them because you saw something on sale that you think they would like! Or, just because you had to go to the mall to pick something up, doesn’t give them carte blanche to feel “entitled” to get you to buy something for them. It can’t always be about them. When we give and give to our children, they grow up thinking that they have the world by its tail. When they become young adults, they, more than likely will be self-absorbed thinking that you did this to them, so keep giving me what I want or absolutely frustrated by the fact that they have no idea how to fend for themselves!When we think about our children preparing for graduation from high school, I believe we must think hard and long about sending them 200 miles or 2 hours away to college. Look at your child’s bedroom, and that will definitely give you the answer you are looking for! If their room looks like a bomb blew up in it, this is, more than likely, what their world will look like at school. Sometimes they are not mature enough to take on all the responsibilities that come along with ‘doing things themselves!’ Spend time with your child and teach them how to balance a check book, reminding them, of course, that eventually the debit card will have no money left on it, if they don’t keep track. Or, what to do about eating or doing laundry. Mommy is no longer right there to ‘help out’ and that is a really scary feeling. I really feel that as parents, we need to take a good look at our parenting skills. Are we the authoritative person in the household, or are our children? When we speak, is it understood? Do we mean what we say and say what we mean? It appears that children today feel that we have no authority over them because the outside system told them we ‘can’t touch them or try to restrain them from leaving.’ Remember, your family belongs to you, not the system. When children start disrespecting you, maybe take a very strong stand, put a halt to it, and not allow it to go any further. We have to make the decision between trying to be their friend, or be their parent. Many times when we were young, we heard the phrase ‘children should be seen and not heard!’ Well, I don’t know about you, but that use to make me really mad, so I made darn sure I gave my child every right to say what he wanted from when he was a toddler to present. I have seen myself try to behave the same way in every situation. The messages I gave him in one situation seemed to work, but it didn’t in another instance. There are many ways in parenting, and if something doesn’t work, find another way to deal with it. We need to be accountable when our children get so angry and lash out against us. With some positive communication and boundary settings, we will be able to slow that anger process down. Please don’t worry if they like you or not, you are their parent, not their friend. Just keep saying that to yourself. Believe me, I know how hard it is. It is very important to set boundaries, communicate with authority and definitely don’t give in at the drop of a hat. Begin achieving your authority when they are as young as 2. Just remember if you continue to back down and not keep your word, you will not be respected! When we stay positive, focused and realize that our family is “under construction,” then we have no alternative but to reach our goal and have HOPE to pull our family back together!
We are all in this together and whether it be my story or yours, we all need each other. This book is not to criticize or make anyone feel guilty, it is to empower us, as parents or grandparents, and help us regain our passion to have that wonderful, healthy family… and that’s all we are striving for.
For further information and to order a copy of THE BOOK “I’m Doing The Best I Can!” please visit www.lisarhein.com *
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from me and decided his friends and his life had no more room for me. Through notes, poems and journaling, I learned to communicate my feelings to my child. Copyright © WTCB- Women Taking Care of Business, Inc. ® All Rights Reserved See Terms of Use for this website |