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On the Scene
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On line Dating Safety
By: Sandy Glover
Before discussing on-line dating safety let me educate you about the three types of crimes that you may fall victim to. In my many years of experience as a law enforcement officer, I never met a victim that actually thought they could fall victim to a crime, yet they did.
The three types of crimes:
Crimes of Anger- A crime of anger can be a spontaneous crime such as road rage or when one person gets so mad at another the end result is an act of violence. This is not to be confused with a Hate Crime which is a crime against a member of a particular race or sexual orientation. Thought out or planned it is always violent.
Crimes of Passion- This is a no brainier. It is usually a male that thinks, "If I can't have her, no one will" and he perpetrates an act of violence against one or both parties. Sometimes the "injured party" will take his (or her) aggression to the former mate's work place or, worse yet, school.
Crimes of Opportunity- This is the most common of crimes. The bad guy sees an opportunity and grabs it. The perpetrator could be a neighbor, someone you meet on a date, or a total stranger. Here is where you are the most vulnerable.
Not to over look the importance of the crimes of anger and passion, but the most common form of crime is opportunity. How do I avoid becoming a victim of a Crime of Opportunity? The answer is simple, be aware of your surroundings and be smart. Here are a few tips:
Do not establish a set schedule for your daily routine. A burgler that is worth his salt will watch a home before he breaks into it. He knows that you leave every morning at...let's say 8:00. STOP THAT! Leave early a couple of mornings a week and get a Starbucks before going to work or arrange that meeting later so you can leave at 9:00. Same thing when coming home, vary your schedule so that no one knows when you are coming or going.
Always make it look like someone is at home. Set a radio on a timer during the day and, if you are going to be out at night, set a radio and lamps on. (You can purchase timers that will go off at different time to really confuse the bad guy.) The one room that can be used any time of day or night is the bathroom. Buy a cute decorative lamp that you can put on a timer go to off during the night.
When you are walking to your car during the day, have your keys out and ready. Look at who is around you. A distracted woman is an easy target. I have seen women ( and I have done it myself) digging around their big ole purse looking for car keys; a great opportunity for a purse thief to grab it and keep right on running. I recommend keeping your cell phone in your pocket if possible. If you should become the victim of a purse thief...by all means let him have it! Your safety is much more important. Try to observe as much about him as you can. The police will want to know things like race, height, build, what clothes he is wearing and what direction of travel he took. If you have your cell phone on your person you can call 911 right away. Again, don't fight him for the purse. It can be replaced...you can't.
Ladies, PLEASE don't place your purse in the child seat of the shopping cart and then turn around to check out a price or examine a piece of merchandise. Talk about a crime of opportunity! By the time you turn around, the thief has your purse and is on his (or her) way out the door with everything they need...your credit cards, your ID and your car keys. Now not only can they steal your car, but they have your credit cards and know where you live. Always have your purse over your shoulder or over your arm...get a tacky fanny pack if you have to.
If you are going out at night, always park in a lighted area. If at all possible, walk as a group when returning to your cars. Again, have your keys ready and observe your surroundings. I suggest getting a can of pepper spray or mace if you are out at night frequently. If you don't have a can of pepper spray or mace, buy a plastic container of lemon or lime juice at the store and keep it handy. Lemon or lime juice in the eye can really hurt and gives you an opportunity to run away.
Getting gas- Another crime of opportunity. Don't leave your car running and if you turn it off, which you are supposed to do in the first place, take the keys out and lay them in the center council or door pocket. If someone wants to steal your car, he can't find the keys and you have time to get inside and ask for help. Never, never, never get in the car with this person. If you do you are at his mercy....and that is not good.
Now, what about your personal safety? Thousands of women meet a man on line and end up marrying the guy, but sadly not all internet relationships are wine and roses. There are sexual predators and professional criminals on the internet waiting for an opportunity. There is no substitute for acting with caution when communicating with a stranger who wants to meet you. Remember, anyone who is able to commit identity theft can also falsify a dating profile.
Let me suggest the following:
Never include your last name, email address, home address, phone number, place of work or
Stop communicating with anyone who tries to pressure you for personal or financial information. That is your business and yours alone.
If you choose to meet this person, have as background check done on him. Select a professional background screening company, such as Confadate, to conduct the investigations. Confadate is a background checking service that caters to you; the online dating person. A background check reveals the public aspect of his life...things like- has he ever been arrested and, if so, for what. It is not an invasion of his privacy. A background check cannot guarantee that this guy doesn't lose a few pounds or grows another foot every time he logs on, but it can tell you if he is a criminal...or worse, a sexual predator.
Even with a background check completed, arrange to meet him in a very public place. Not only for your safety, but you may need your car to get away if this person has the personality of a squid.
Be sure to tell a friend or family member who you are meeting, when and where. Ask someone to call you and check up on you an hour after you are to meet him and have a prearranged excuse to leave.....again the squid factor.
Online dating security is a matter that should concern men as well as women. While men are less likely to fall victim to an act of violence, men are much more likely to be the victim of identity theft. A man should not give any personal information to the lady he has taken out, and stop communicating with a woman who is pressuring him for information. I suggest, Gentlemen, that you use good ole fashion cash on your date. If you must use a credit card, only take one with you and make sure you have your account number written down. If you have any suspicion that your personal information has been compromised, call your bank right away.
No one wants you to live in fear or be afraid every time you arrange to meet someone new or leave your home of office, following these basic safety tips, you can drastically reduce your chances of becoming a victim.
Sandy Glover is a retired police detective with over 20 years experience and now a licensed private investigator specializing in background screening.
Sandy Glover, President
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