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Finding Love By: Renee Gillombardo, MEd., M.A, LMFT Preparing for this article has taken me on a trip to my adolescence and, as I begin to write, I am immersed in thoughts, feelings and sounds of my past. As I pondered the topic for this article and how I would address it, a song POPPED into my head. My sisters and brother and I played this song on our family piano and we all felt like quite accomplished musicians because the song was identifiable to anyone listening. The song was "Heart and Soul" and we would play it for hours! Like most songs, it describes falling in love and like all art forms is meant to illuminate us on aspects of life. I want to include the words to the song for any readers who are not familiar with this popular tune.
Heart and soul, I fell in love with you Heart and soul, the way a fool would do, madly, Because you held me tight and stole a kiss in the night Heart and soul, I begged to be adored Lost control, and tumbled overboard gladly that magic night we kissed there in the moon mist. Oh, but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling Never before were mine so strangely willing But now I see, what one embrace can do Look at me, it's got me loving you madly That little kiss you stole Held all my heart and soul
Experts in brain physiology tell us humans have about 60,000 thoughts daily! We are constantly processing information from sources coming at us from many different directions. We are rewarded for multi-tasking yet at what price! We are now being cautioned that the dangers of multitasking are decreased quality and decreased awareness! It has created a sort of tunnel vision that may make it very difficult to see self and each other with any sense of clarity and depth.
When Hoagy Carmichael and Frank Loesser wrote "heart and soul" in 1938 they were
The search for a ‘soul mate' that will result in a satisfying and reciprocal relationship takes self awareness and that my dear reader takes COURAGE and CONSISTENCY. Love involves our entire being and is therefore spiritual, physical, hormonal, mental and emotional. That means to be involved in a love relationship we must be available on all these main levels and their sublevels. Preparing for a love relationship, for meeting and keeping your soul mate, begins with YOU. Asking the right questions of ourselves and navigating through the questions to the answers that make us better people will make us better partners. . Some of the right questions to ask are:
What keeps me from being available? Am I too available? What happens when someone gets too close? What is the pattern of my relationships? Do they end? What usually happens? What do I believe about relationships? Am I experiencing pain from past relationships?
I neither want to minimize or exaggerate the role trauma plays in our lives. As a people, we have been affected by personal and global trauma and it has impacted our relationships We may have experienced events that have left us on' high alert' status and if that is not resolved, it will not be possible to be available to someone and we may sabotage without wanting to do so. Unresolved and misunderstood trauma leaves us open for reliving patterns. We may do this because we are trying desperately to master situations that have traumatized us. Of course this is all
Go ahead and make a list of qualities that you want in your partner. Then set your heart and soul on the mission of becoming the partner you want to attract. Become the person on your list!
Asking and answering the right questions can unravel patterns of trauma and pain. Asking and answering the right questions WILL make you a better person and a better partner. Your mate is preparing him/her self for you as you are for them. Like the song tells us, be available, then finding love will be a heart and soul event.
Namaste, Renee
Renee Gillombardo, M.ED., MA, LMFT, is a psychotherapist, life coach, and business
Renee Gillombardo, MEd., M.A, LMFT Office: 727-385-0209
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writing for a different generation. How much have we changed? Consider what has occurred in America since 1938. Wars, Baby Boomers, technology, terrorism, economy, 9/11. All these events have changed us and all these events have traumatized us. When heart and soul was written we were a more naïve nation. Naïve not in the sense that we were acting without maturity but we had not lost our ability to be vulnerable as the song suggests. Trauma effects how emotionally available we are to ourselves and others. In short it makes us more aware of what new trauma may be around the corner and so less self aware and available to others. 
subconscious until we shed the light of self-awareness on the patterns.
consultant. She assists people in developing their highest potential.Copyright © WTCB- Women Taking Care of Business, Inc. ® All Rights Reserved See Terms of Use for this website |